we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
