his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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