I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
