why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
