Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
