Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
