i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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