How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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