i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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