Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
