The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
