Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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