im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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