Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
