He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
