I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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