I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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