I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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