Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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