I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
