She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We had to coat check the pizza.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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