I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
