New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
