I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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