For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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