Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i will never coherently bang her
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
