Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
