i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
