it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
