I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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