He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
