he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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