Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
