what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
