Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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