True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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