Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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