i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
