Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
