I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
