Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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