Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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