Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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