I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
