im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
