my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
