Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
