Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
