i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
