U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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