her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
