I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
