i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
