We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
