Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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