I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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