no, he came in my armpit
I seem to have left my pride at pride
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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