I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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