where does the pee come out of this thing
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
