just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
