At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
