Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
