Define "chronic" masturbator.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
