i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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