everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
